Does focusing on the self means selfish? Let me start by sharing a story with you. I was listening to a program several weeks ago on artificial intelligence and the impact it is having on our society, when a renowned author came on and noted that our society has become very selfish, with our focus on the self (e.g. people have become so career oriented that they have lost sight of important things such as family). He further posited that instead of focusing on our own problems, we should focus on helping others, to make our problems go away – it is about kindness and connecting with others – much needed in this digital age. This is not verbatim, however, a quick synopsis of what he said.
He raised some valid points. Yes, for the most part, we have indeed become a more individualistic society. We particularly see this in large urban areas, where most of us do not even know our next-door neighbour, and the days of ‘borrowing’ a cup of sugar from our neighbour is almost long-gone. He’s also right, (while there are benefits) technology is taking a toll on society. For example, in that it is becoming difficult to have or feel a real sense of connection with others, sometimes our own families and friends – especially in a world where almost everyone is on their smart phones. So much so that many people are beginning to lack the ability to show real empathy and kindness, as well as to truly engage in meaningful communication – with all the texting and emojis. All of which can have an impact on wellbeing and healthy living.
You are probably thinking, “it looks like you completely concur with what this doctor was saying”. Well, in some respects. What I did not agree with was his point that focusing on oneself is selfish. I think it all comes down to the degree and context. As women, many of us are practically wired to take care of, and think about others, before ourselves, even those who do not have a family and/or children. We first saw it with our mothers, grand-mothers, great grandmothers, aunties, among other strong women. Now, we often emulate the behaviour without even realizing it.
Don’t get me wrong, putting others before ourselves is not a bad thing, at times, it is necessary. In fact, it is hard for many of us not to do so. However, it is important to understand that it is not synonymous with selflessness or kindness. For to learn true kindness, we must start with the self. Also, putting others before ourselves will not remove our problems. Yes, it can distract us, but the problem still exists, and if not addressed, could impact our physical and mental wellbeing.
Also, as women, we must recognize that taking care of others should not preclude us from achieving our goals and dreams – on whatever path life may bring us. This includes empowering ourselves and others along the way, be it through education, a career, or however we choose to be our best self, without any guilt attached. It’s our responsibility to our families, friends, colleagues, and communities. For when we actively practice self-care, we have the means to better help and be a model for others, including those who are coming after us.
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